So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
