last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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