I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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