I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
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buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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