i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
