So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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