Where did you get a picture of my penis
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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