Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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