She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off