oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have feelings that need drinking.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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