Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today