Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
