I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize