You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
