why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
