I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
