Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
