i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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