You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
