I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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