I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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