well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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