Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
