he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my being single is dangerous.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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