if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
