she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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