We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
