You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
