I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
