hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
