I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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