I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
