I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
