would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
