If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
