So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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