We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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