That's when you crack a 10am beer
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
