About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
