You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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