Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
