My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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