I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
