Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
