so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So squirting runs in the family.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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