Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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