im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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