I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
