I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
