I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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