um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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