So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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