She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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