Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
