i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
