when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
