I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
