For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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