Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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