i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
