dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
