I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
