Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
