my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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